It’s National Beer Lover’s Day! But don’t drink the beer YOU love. That would be silly. Let the ZODIAC choose for you. (???) Some astrology nut posted a list of the best beer to drink for each zodiac sign . . .
Aries: Modelo. Because you’re not afraid of a fight, and Modelo partners with the UFC on the Fighting Chance Project that revitalizes gyms. (???)
Taurus: Miller High Life. Because you “love a good time and a fine bargain.”
Gemini: Budweiser. Because of some nonsense about Geminis being good liars, and Budweiser being good at marketing. Like the Clydesdale horses and Budweiser frogs. (Worth noting Bud Light DIDN’T make the list.)
Cancer: Blue Moon. Because cancers are “ruled by the moon.” And because cancers are nostalgic . . . baseball is nostalgic . . . and Blue Moon was the brainchild of a place called Sandlot Brewery at Coors Field in Denver.
Leo: Corona. Because it’s Spanish for “crown,” and Leo is the sign of royalty.
Virgo: Michelob Ultra. Because Virgos are health-conscious. And Michelob Ultra is so watered down, it’s sometimes called the “Gatorade of beers.”
Libra: Pabst Blue Ribbon. Libras love fairness and equality, and PBR is loved by everyone from factory workers to hipsters.
Scorpio: Guinness. Because Scorpios are mysterious, and Guinness has been very tight-lipped when it comes to their trade secrets.
Sagittarius: Sapporo. Because you’re adventurous, and so was the guy who created it. He left Japan in the 1860s at age 17 . . . which was forbidden back then . . . and studied brewing in Germany. (He was an Aquarius.)
Capricorn: Yuengling. Because you’re determined, and so was Yuengling when they stayed afloat in Prohibition by making “near beer” with basically no alcohol. (But so did Anheuser-Busch, Coors, and others. You could argue Pabst was more determined, they pivoted to making cheese.)
Aquarius: Stella Artois. Because the tarot card for Aquarius is the “Star” card, and “Stella” means “star” in Latin.
Pisces: Heineken. Because you like pleasing people. And the guy who founded their ad department once said, “I don’t sell beer, I sell enjoyment.” (His real quote was actually, “I don’t sell beer, I sell warmth.”)